Have you ever felt like you’ve given it your all but somehow it’s still not enough? I’m sure we’ve all felt that way at some point or another in our lives. But what happens when we allow those types of negative thoughts to linger? To take center stage in our minds when life doesn’t go as we’d hoped for? Well, unfortunately I had let myself become that way, and it wasn’t too long ago.
You see, I have a condition called Neurocardiogenic Syncope, which is pretty much just fancy words that mean I can pass out if I stand for long periods of time without moving around. That, coupled with my Epilepsy has caused me some heartache, and has taken its toll on me emotionally throughout the years. I was diagnosed as a teenager, and I couldn’t help but to think, “Why me? I just want to be normal like everyone else.” I started to think about what I would’ve done to deserve this.
That was the start of it, of me letting those thoughts control my attitude toward life. I found myself comparing the quality of my life with others. I’d ask myself, “Am I doing something wrong? Am I not trying as hard as they are?” It got to a point where I became so engulfed in trying to be as good, as successful, as beautiful as those I was comparing myself to that I felt as if I just wasn’t good enough being me. Maybe it’d be better if I were someone else, if I lived a different life..
Then one day something in me just clicked. I AM good enough. I had to ask myself, “Why do I care about becoming like others?” Then it hit me. I just wanted approval, and I thought that if I could become more like those who had approval, then I could be granted it too. But I realized what mattered more. My approval. If I’m not happy with who I am, how can I really expect others to be? Plus, by trying to be like others I realized I was never going to have true approval for who I am, it would instead be approval for who I was trying to be.
I also had to stop to make myself realize that it is not right for me to compare my negative experiences with the positive experiences of others. Having that type of mindset would never allow me to live a truly happy life. What is the point of comparing ourselves to others anyway? You know what, scratch that. What is the point of letting ourselves think for one second that we are not enough? If you’ve been at rock bottom, remember you are still here. If you’ve made a mistake, remember that everyone makes mistakes.
I have to stop to point out that change is a completely different matter. Change is inevitable, whether we fight it or embrace it. If you want to make a change in your life, that is perfectly acceptable. Just make sure it’s because it’s in your best interest, not because you are comparing yourself to others. I personally have been trying to change my fashion style lately, but because I want to do it not because I feel socially pressured to like I used to.
Now don’t get me wrong, I am no master at this concept. I just wanted to share what has been working for and helping me. So if you ever feel like you are just not enough, you can’t try hard enough, you have nothing left to give…I want you to remember that you are more than enough, that trying your hardest is more than enough, and that what you had to give was more than enough. There is no one else like you in the entire world, so why would you want to be anybody else? Make life as simple as could be, and just be-you-tiful.
Well, I hope I could share with you some insight on how I have been working to develop my ‘Expressive Self’. In case you don’t know, I post on a weekly basis, so check back next Monday!