Do you believe in the phrase, “Everything happens for a reason?” I used to. I used to believe there was a reason for all the good things that happened to me as well as the bad. Maybe it was karma.

Would you still believe everything happens for a reason if a loved one suddenly passed away? That’s what it took for me to stop believing. Then I read a passage from someone going through a similar situation. They decided that perhaps there’s not a reason for everything, but that we can find meaning in everything that happens.

But let me be clear that there is a difference between finding meaning in what happens to us, and finding meaning in nothing. Trust me when I say it’s a lot easier to find meaning in nothing than you may think. I’ve done it countless times, and sometimes I catch myself still doing it on accident.

So I’ve compiled my best pieces of advice to help set the record straight, as well as to help find meaning. Let’s dive in.

Look To Your Past

Most times in life when we seemingly find meaning in minuscule things, we can trace it back to our childhood experiences and our past. For example, I had a hard time building my confidence when I was younger, and that affects how I enter situations in the present. I might not feel adequate enough to attempt to take risks because it didn’t work well for me before.

And my past can be a huge factor in determining how I go about my future. Since I wan’t very confident growing up, it makes it harder to be confident in the present. And this makes it harder for me to attempt new things in the present which will affect my confidence going into the future.

But this is why it’s important for me to remember that the past is the past. There is no going back and changing anything. There is only lessons to be learned and cycles to be broken.

Pay Attention To Your Biases

Other times in life when we can’t really seem to pinpoint meaning in something, we tend to give it whatever meaning feels most comfortable or makes the most sense to us at the time. The only problem is that our knowledge expands as well as our comfort level. So what felt best at the time might not actually be the best.

If you grew up with a ‘rough’ childhood as I did, you might chalk a problem up to more than it’s meant to be. For example, when I got rejected for a job that meant a lot to me to get, I tried finding meaning in why. Why did I get a second interview only to not get accepted? Was it because I hadn’t tried as hard as I could? Was it because I should’ve spent more time preparing?

No. It wasn’t because of either of those reasons, or any other reason I could come up with that was wrong with me. It was simply because there was a more qualified candidate who was selected for the position. Simple as that. Yes, I did try as hard as I could with the knowledge and capabilities I had. Yes, I did spend a LOT of time preparing, and I took it as seriously as I could. While I might’ve been a good fit for the job, I just wasn’t the best. And that’s okay.

Fail Forward

I often have to remind myself to let go of things I can’t control and focus on what I can. And trust me, I know it can be hard to tell the difference between what we do have control over and what we don’t. Sometimes I get the feeling that I have no control over my own life. But it’s important for me to remind myself that no one has control over everything that happens to them.

We try our best and see how it turns out. There is no guarantee of how things will end up for anyone, ever. If I try and fail, that’s not a sign to give up. It’s a sign to keep going. How else can I learn and grow if I’m not taking chances? Just because something didn’t work out in the past doesn’t guarantee it won’t work the second time around.

I tried, I failed, and now it’s time to try again. Crazy is when you try the same thing over and over expecting different results. But progress is when you try the same thing from different angles and perspectives until you’ve achieved your desired results. It’s important for me to remember not to go over board though. There’s no need to find a reason for everything, especially when there are so many more things that are actually worth worrying about.

Focus On What Matters

What is the point of finding meaning in something if we can’t learn from it and grow? For example, when my dad passed away and I stopped believing that everything happens for a reason, it was hard for me to find meaning in the situation at all. All I knew was that it wasn’t fair and I was unhappy. What meaning could be gained?

But with a lot of time and a lot more effort, I slowly came to realize that the meaning I could at least take away from it was to spend time with and enjoy my loved ones. The meaning I was able to hold on to is that the time I have with family and friends is unknown. To me, that was important because it reminds me to make the time for them even when it’s hard to or seems impossible.

So although there may not be a reason for everything, we can find meaning in everything that happens to us. But be careful not to put too much meaning into things or you can drive yourself crazy.

Do you have a trick that helps you to find the meaning of what happens? Share it in the comments below! You never know, you could be the person who helps improve someone else’s life! And if you are looking for some inspiration to help you find the brighter side of things, check out our blog here!

Thank you so very much for being a part of ETM’s community of Mommas! I encourage you to join discussions, interact with Mommas alike, and be unapologetically yourself! Until next time, I hope I’m able to help make your life as simple as could be. (:

With all my love, Brandolyn – Earth to Momma