I love reading. Some people may not understand at all where I’m coming from, but that’s okay. But recently I was told about this book called, The 5 Love Languages. I haven’t read it yet, but my therapist gave me the assignment of figuring out which ‘love’ language my fiancé and I speak.
I never had any idea there was such a thing as a ‘love language’, but there is. There are actually 5 to be exact. And after taking the quiz, (which my fiancé is awesome for doing with me) we realized that we actually speak the same 3 languages. The quiz is short and easy too if you want to give it a try here.
The 5 languages include Acts of Service, Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Physical Touch (no, not sex), and Receiving Gifts. Although our 3 love languages were the same, they are in a different order of importance. Mine were Acts of Service first, then Quality Time, followed by Words of Affirmation. Once we understood what each meant, we had a goal. Each week, we will try to have 1 quality time together, give each other 2 affirmations, and do 3 acts of service for each other.
Here’s How We Started
Our quality time together can be anything from watching our favorite show together, going out to eat, whatever gets us together and alone to spend actual quality time with each other. On this specific one we decided not to overthink it. We already have a once/month date night that we spend together to try to achieve the same effect.
So we decided to sit down and watch a show together that we follow. It’s not necessarily our favorite, but like I said, we follow it. (Our favorite show actually just ended after a 15 season run and we are a little bummed trying to find the next ‘one’.) If you must know, the show is Jersey Shore Family Vacation because the way this group of friends acts together reminds me of the real life version of F.R.I.E.N.D.S.
We’re able to laugh about parts, make fun of some parts, and just have a good time together. So if Quality Time is the language you speak, find ways to incorporate it into your life at least once/week! Like I said, it doesn’t have to be extravagant to count!
More Than Just I Love You
Words of Affirmation can really be anything because it depends on who you are. If you’re a tough do-it-aller, you might like it when your partner tells you they appreciate your hard work. If you’ve always been a little self-conscious, you might like it when your partner tells you how amazing you look. You get the picture.
In all honesty, Words of Affirmation are more than just saying “I love you”. It’s knowing what things light your partner up and making efforts to tell them those things. My fiancé left me a note in my car while I was at work this week saying that I was beautiful and he loved me with all his heart. It made my day seeing that when I got off my shift!
This week I randomly went up to him to let him know how much I appreciate the things he does. ALL the things he does. Because really, it’s a lot. I also left him a note in his wallet saying a few of the things that I love about him. It definitely takes some effort to think of things to do, but that’s how relationships work – hard work!
Kill Them With Kindness
When it comes to Acts of Service for my fiancé, I had to think of things that would make him happy in the long run, not me. Cleaning the house? That’s something he probably wouldn’t notice. Cleaning out his car? Now that’s something he’d appreciate. And I asked myself this question all week. What’s something I can do for him?
One thing I did was actually clean out his car like I mentioned. He of course was allowed to tell me what he did and didn’t want me to do, but I could tell he really appreciated it. Another thing I did was plan, buy, and prep dinner all by myself so he could relax when he got home from work. Clearly that’s something he noticed!
The last thing I did was take the trash can to the end of the road and picked it up. To give you an idea, we have to load up our truck with the can(s) and drive up a windy hill to get to the end of our road. Normally I don’t like doing this because the truck is high up, I don’t like dealing with stinky and gross things, and it’s just a pain in the ass to be honest. But I know it is for him too so I bucked up and got it done.
Speaking Gibberish
Honestly, I’m glad we decided to take the quiz. It helped us not only learn more about ourselves, but more about each other too! One reason it really helped is because when I didn’t know how my fiancé ‘spoke’ love, I would try loving him in ways that I knew I liked to be loved. And vice versa. But now we can spend time loving each other in more meaningful ways!
What do you think? Will you take the quiz? Do you have ideas for each of these types of love? If so, share ’em in the comments below! You never know, you could help someone have a more meaningful and lasting relationship! And if you’re looking for more ideas on how to communicate face-to-face, check out ETM’s blog here.
Thank you so very much for being a part of ETM’s community of Mommas! I encourage you to join discussions, interact with Mommas alike, and be unapologetically yourself! Until next time, I hope I’m able to help make your life as simple as could be. (:
With all my love, Brandolyn – Earth to Momma
