I’m a planner and an organizer. I don’t necessarily enjoying planning, but I’d like to say I’m good at it and that it works 95% of the time. It works when you want to start or change careers. You have to know what type of look you’re working for, the pay you’re willing to do the work for, the hours you’re willing to put in, etc. All of which require planning.

It works when you want to buy a home. You have to know what price range you’re willing to work with, the location and commute to and from work and school, even when a good time to buy is, etc. Again, all of which require planning. Like I said, planning works for things about 95% of the time. It’s just how humans operate.

In fact, it’s worked since the dawn of human life. Our ancestors had to know where and how to find food, the best time to hunt and the best time to hide, the best situation to fight in and the best situation to flea from. This all required planning and preparation or sometimes the consequence was life or death. But what about the other 5% of the time? Well, I can tell you from experience when planning doesn’t work.

Marriage

I know it seems weird to read that subheading. You might be thinking to yourself, “Umm, I’m pretty sure marriage requires planning of some sort.” Well, you’re right. Marriage does take some planning in order to be a successful marriage. You have to know if the other person is compatible long-term. You have to plan out finances not only for the wedding, but how they will work for the both of you moving forward. And you have to prepare for the worst because tomorrow isn’t a guarantee.

But you can’t plan the ‘right’ time to actually get married. That’s why some people get married after a year of knowing each other and others get hitched after ten. I’m closer on the side of 10 years. I’ve been with my fiancé for 7 years and we’re getting married this September. (Hopefully!) And I say hopefully because with COVID-19 still ever so present all around us, we truly hope there will still be a wedding. No matter what, we will get married on that day since it has special meaning to us. But it’s not really up to us to decide if there will be an actual ceremony or reception.

Which is why I say you can’t really plan for marriage. Chris and I could’ve gotten married years ago because we knew how we felt. But so much goes into it! I didn’t know it would take so long for Chris to get the courage to get down on his knee. I didn’t know losing a family member along the way would make me want to postpone it even longer. When it comes down to it, I say if you feel ready even though so many other things may not seem in place, go for it! Things have this weird way of working themselves out sometimes.

Children

Again, I know planning and preparation is needed in order to have kids. I’m by no means saying go have a kid whenever you feel like it. Of course you need to plan how the baby will be cared for and who will be caring for it. You need to have your finances in check somewhat to be able to afford to have a child in the first place. And too many other things to name! But what you really truly can’t prepare yourself for is becoming a parent. There’s not enough books or classes or money or time that will help you plan it out 100%.

I mean, coming from me, it would seem strange that I would wait so long to have kids. I’ve known that I want to be a mom my whole life. (No, I’m not kidding. Probably like 5 years old no joke.) But when my fiancé and I got together, obviously we wanted to wait to know if we wanted that in the first place. Then we wanted to wait until we had our own place. Then we wanted to wait until we had our finances in order to be able to give our kid a life that neither of us really had. And then I became the guardian of my little brother and that was already like having a kid, just an older one. And then, and then. You see the pattern here?

Having children does need to be planned. Yes, to an extent. But when you go overboard on planning like I do, you can get in your own way of having what you wanted in the first place. No one is ever fully ready to become a parent, that’s what I hear from every parent I know! Plus, I know it can take some time from trying to even having it happen. For all I know, I can still be two years away from having a kid when I finally decide I’m ready. So try to remember that you can’t plan for everything in life.

The ‘Right’ Time To Do Anything

Have you ever told yourself that you’re going to wait until “the right time” to do something? Have you ever actually considered how you would know when the ‘right’ time is? If you’re like me, you probably just said yes to that question. But what happens when you’re validation for being ready changes. What if the right time becomes a different time? Instead, let’s learn to take chances once in a while!

Let’s learn how to deal with marriage and kids and whatever else feels like it needs to be at the right moment in the moment we’re in. In the moment we have right now. That’s why my fiancé and I have decided to still get married, wedding or not. That’s why we want to work on having kids, whether we’re where we want to be at financially or not. And that’s why I’ve decided to move forward in life in a harmony of planning and intuition!

For a related post on if everything happens for a reason, check out ETM’s blog here. And if you have a time in your life that helped you learn to take more chances, share it in the comments below! As always, thank you so very much for being a part of ETM’s community of Mommas! I encourage you to join discussions, interact with Mommas alike, and be unapologetically yourself! Until next time, I hope I’m able to help make your life as simple as could be. (:

With all my love, Brandolyn – Earth To Momma