Life is full of lessons, and that’s not including the ones taught to us in school. Life itself is full of teachable, memorable, and sometimes life-altering moments. It’s like every parent knows all too well. You can tell your child not to do something 1,000 times over, but sometimes they just need to learn for themselves. And, ironically, sometimes the teacher becomes the student and we ourselves need to learn things the hard way too.
Have you ever heard the saying, “Wounds heal but words don’t”? To be honest, I’m not even sure if it’s an official ‘saying’. My friend told it to me not long ago, and it was definitely one of life’s learning lessons for me. In more than one way at that! From becoming more aware of the power of my words and how they may hurt others to how they may also strengthen myself. They say a picture is worth 1,000 words, but how much is 1 word worth?
Wounds Vs. Words
Most of the time, wounds heal. A broken bone will mend itself, a cut will scab over and create new skin, etc. Now I know that not every wound can heal back to its original state, but regardless, they do heal. Words on the other hand – not so much. Think about it. Do you remember something insulting that someone has said to you at any point in your lifetime that just stuck? Perhaps you don’t even know why, but it’s something that might possibly cause an insecurity in your now older self.
For me, it was someone making fun of my skin color. In 7th grade, (yes, 13 years ago and it’s still clear as day in my head) we had to dress down in P.E. uniforms. All it was was a pair of loose fitting shorts and a loose fitting t shirt. But for me, someone who never wore shorts, it was a big deal. What made it an even bigger ordeal was what one little boy said to me that was most likely in all fun and innocence. But like I said, words don’t heal like wounds.
One little statement. “Woah Brandi, you’re so white I can’t see where I’m going.” Followed by a pretend stumble and running into the wall like my skin was ‘blinding’ them. Like I said, not a huge deal. But it definitely made a big deal for me when I was going into high school and still didn’t have the courage to show any part of my legs. (Yes, I’m aware that not showing my legs was not doing me any favors to change the color that got me made fun of in the first place. But my teenage mind couldn’t quite grasp that concept at the time.)
The Power Of Words
Even though I had that experience, I still didn’t quite realize the full power of words yet. I misunderstood the power of the words we say to ourselves, and I underestimated the power of words that those closest to us say as well. It honestly took me until my mid twenties to truly realize how important words are. And it came to me almost like the epiphany Homer Simpson had in the Simpson’s movie.
How am I supposed to know there’s a problem if no one tells me there is one? I’m no mind-reader, no one is! That’s why it’s important to understand the power of words when we use them. There’s a difference between telling someone there’s a problem and allowing someone to be your problem. I lost one of my best friends of 10 years this year. And the power of words made itself that much clearer to me. I had told her that she was hurting my feelings and she had her mom text me telling me I lost her as a friend.
Apparently my words were enough to hurt her, but her lack of words was enough to hurt me just the same. I’ve also had another friendship that has felt completely different than it was just one year ago. And because I’m not using my words to address it, it will most likely continue to go this way until something is said. It’s no ones fault. It’s just a reminder for me of the importance to speak up. If I’m feeling a certain type of way, there’s a chance she’s feeling the same. But if both of us are not wanting to address it, the feeling isn’t going to just go away on its own.
Lessons Learned Is Wisdom Gained
I’ve also had a recent experience where a person has talked about me behind my back and the word circled back to me. What bothers me the most is not that this person has negative feelings, but that they aren’t addressing me with them. Like I said, if I don’t know there’s a problem, how am I going to know I need to work on it? And the same goes for me! I need to be open and honest with the people around me if I expect any sort of the same treatment.
I can’t let my nerves get in the way by preventing me from addressing issues, and I can’t let my emotions get in the way by getting upset at what others have to say. Words have the power to hurt, but they also have the power to heal. The lessons I’ve learned can be turned into wisdom to take with me throughout life, if I let them. And that’s exactly what I choose to do!
Communication is key!
As always, thank you so very much for being a part of ETM’s community! I encourage you to join discussions, interact with Mommas and others alike, and be unapologetically yourself! Until next time, I hope I’m able to help make your life as simple as could be. (:
With all my love, Brandolyn – Earth To Momma
