I started my journey delving into self-care a little over 5 years ago. Of course, the farther I’ve gotten into my journey, the more things have changed. I’ve had lesson after lesson teach me new thing after new thing. Like an artist making a sculpture from marble, slowly I’m chipping away at the excess until my masterpiece can come to life.

I also see myself as a sculptor of clay too, but without a kiln. Patiently building a piece that resembles myself. I might need to add more of this or that from time to time, or take away bits and pieces, but I’m always malleable. Sometimes, I might even need to begin anew. Use what I have and start fresh.

And the reason I tie self-care to artistry is because, to me, it’s a form of art. It’s fun, but it’s also hard work. Every master artist has practiced their way to where they are. They found something they liked and worked on their approach, their style, their tenacity. It’s no different with self-care.

Look, I’m not trying to be the next self-help guru or the next famous influencer. I truly believe that when we take the time to work on ourselves, for ourselves, we become better. Better at learning lessons and tuning into ourselves. Better at our innate skills. And better at being better every day.

So here are the 5 most powerful lessons I’ve learned practicing self-care over the last 5 years! It’s going to be short, sweet, and to the point for a reason. Don’t focus on making these work for you, focus on finding what works for you!

Related: Kintsugi

Wabi-Sabi

Lesson number one is one that has been a bit harder for me to master, especially living in the Western world in this day and age. With social media dominating today’s planet, it can be tempting to live up to expectations seen on a screen. Cleanliness, trends of all styles, and smiles galore is what I see on a day-to-day basis. But the ancient Japanese aesthetic known as wabi-sabi values the ordinary, imperfections, and purposeful ruggedness.

This is the concept that imperfection and age are not only acceptable, they are what makes something beautiful! Something covered in scratches, dirt, and tears is not in need of repair, it’s beautiful because of its wear. Wabi-sabi values people, places, and things not for their perfection or newness, but for their wisdom, age, and experience. Instead of feeling pressure to be perfect, fix our flaws, or hide our imperfections, this is a freeing concept!

Share Your Gifts

Before Mister Rogers was a famous TV personality, he had many other lives. First, he studied to become a minister. Then, he took a job as a researcher for childhood development studies. On their own, these interests wouldn’t seem to fit a specific job description. But this precise combination made Mister Rogers perfect for a children’s TV show host. And without both these contrasting skills, he couldn’t have done the job the way he did.

The lesson here is that some days we might feel caught in our own storm of contrasting interests that don’t seem to quite mesh. But if we limit ourselves, we lose some of our greatest potential – to bring an entirely unique set of interests to the world. Love what you love and share your gifts, it’s the combination of all the things you care about that makes you what the world needs!

The In-Between Spaces

Do you ever feel like you just don’t fit into a certain space? That you don’t belong in any one single group? I know without a doubt that I have. But during the last 5 years, I’ve learned that’s it’s okay not to! Whether you want to call it a multi-passionate person or have no explanation behind it, having various passions, hobbies, and talents that we genuinely enjoy makes it difficult to choose one and give up others. But like I said, that’s okay!

As long as I bring passion into everything I do, I just need to practice being comfortable occupying the ‘in-between spaces’. The spaces that don’t necessarily belong in any one group, but perhaps multiple groups. The centers of Venn diagrams. Overlays and overlaps. Where I can lead with qualities I would once hide behind. Space where I take pride in and accept every bit of who I am, and celebrate it!

I Love Lucy

Almost everyone has seen at least one episode of I Love Lucy or heard of Lucille Ball. Even being aired entirely in the ’50s, it remains one of the most popular and successful television shows to this day. But before her show premiered, Lucille was on the verge of quitting acting. After 20+ years in the business, she was a washed-up, C-list, blonde wannabe movie star who still hadn’t made her mark. Everyone thought she had missed her shot at stardom and had already given up on her.

Everyone, except Lucille herself. She was 40 years old when the first episode of I Love Lucy premiered, which means that if she had time, so do we. The lesson – If she didn’t give up, neither should we. If she had faith, so can we. Instead of worrying that we’re never going to make it, or that we’ve used up all our chances, or that we should just give up, remember Lucy!

Don’t Be A Gatekeeper

If you’re unfamiliar with the term gatekeeper, it means ‘a person or thing that controls access to something’. In this day and age, it’s pretty well practiced among individuals and companies alike. Whether it refers to having knowledge, resources, or just plain access in general, there are gatekeepers who remain that way for the benefits they gain from it. Whether politically or influentially, I don’t agree with that standpoint.

Almost every single person who has gotten where they’ve gotten has had a little help on the way. I’d be straight up lying if I said that I got to where I am today completely by myself. It might seem tempting to hold onto access for something, especially when it benefits us. But by not being a gatekeeper, we’re allowing ourselves to live up to our true potential and others a chance to do the same!

*Bonus

It was hard narrowing it down to 5 lessons I’ve learned. I ended up going with these 5 because I’m sure I’ve talked about other powerful lessons in past blogs. One more lesson that I really wanted to fit in here because it’s made such a huge difference in my life is the ‘Vase, Cup, and Bowl’. Basically you have a vase with a never-ending water, an empty cup, and an empty bowl. Imagine that the vase is what you have to give, you are the cup, and the bowl represent the places and people in your life that you give to.

If you use the cup to draw water from the pitcher in order to pour into the bowl, there will always be a moment between pours in which the cup is empty. But if you put the cup inside the bowl and use the pitcher to fill the cup, what will happen? It will eventually overflow into the surrounding bowl. You will never be empty, even when you are giving. Don’t be tempted to give your all at the expense of yourself. Fill up your cup, then give freely.

When In Doubt

When you’re feeling doubtful of your skills, talents, or capabilities, rethink your self-care regimen. Make sure you’re focusing on things that not only work for you, but that change your life for the better. Self-care should be a way for you to celebrate yourself the way you are while working on improving, not changing. Sure, chip away some of that excess marble. Add some extra water to your clay. Keep molding and shaping your art until it looks the way you envision it. But don’t for one second make fun of, dismiss, or devalue your work in progress!

Have you found a lesson that’s made a powerful difference in your life? Share in the comments below and help others reach a mindset they can feel happy about! And as always, thank you so very much for being a part of ETM’s community! I encourage you to join discussions, interact with Mommas and others alike, and be unapologetically yourself! Until next time, I hope I’m able to help make your life as simple as could be. (:

With all my love, Brandolyn – Earth To Momma