How many people do you know personally with a drug or alcohol addiction? Just one? A handful? More than that? Maybe you’re like me and the answer is more than you would like. Now I’m going to get more personal and I hope that’s alright. How many of your loved ones are addicted to drugs or alcohol? An aunt or uncle, cousin, mom or dad, sibling, son or daughter, significant other, etc. Take a minute to really think about it. Or maybe you’re like me and don’t need to think about it because it is so present in your everyday life.
You see, for me personally, I have three loved ones who have succumbed to addiction and it has started to affect my quality of life. My mom is an addict and she prefers drugs and alcohol. Sometimes it’s both, sometimes it alternates between the two. She hasn’t always been like this though. She was sober from both for the first 13 years of my life, and at some point lost hope and started making the wrong choices. I don’t see her much now, but we stay in contact.
My dad is an addict who prefers just alcohol. Unlike my mom, my dad has been addicted my whole life but he is better at managing his addiction now. At one point it got him into trouble legally, and it is still affecting him to this day. He has also hurt himself pretty badly due to his alcohol consumption, both physically and emotionally. I see my dad pretty often, however, as he has custody of my younger brother.
My sister is an addict who prefers just drugs. She has always been the one to act older than she is, and as a result, got involved with the wrong people and became addicted at only 14. She is only a year older than me, and most of our lives were spent not getting along. We fought, physically as well as intellectually. She has also gotten into her fair share of trouble. Even though our relationship has suffered over the years, I remain in contact with her and see her every once in a while.
I even had a period in my life where I became addicted to alcohol. I was drinking every night. And not just one or two, but five or six. It got to a point where I would just stay home and drink. If something came up, or friends asked to hang out, I would turn it down to stay home and drink. After a while, I began to feel hopeless though. It felt like I couldn’t rely on myself, and it was clear that my family felt the same.
I, however, wanted out. I wanted to know that I could rely on myself, but to do that I needed to improve my health and happiness. And taking care of yourself is the most important thing for your overall health and happiness. So I stopped drinking completely for a while. I avoided all temptation to drink until I knew I had regained my strength to be around it and still say no. This was no easy feat for me, but deep down I knew it was what I wanted and needed. Now, I am able to have a few drinks on occasion, (birthday, night out, holiday, etc.) not regret it, and not feel like I am relying on it.
But it wasn’t so simple for my family, as well as for many others out there. So what is there to do if your quality of life is being affected by a loved one’s addiction? Well, I’ve come up with three tips to help with handling a loved one’s addiction.
- Be careful how you act around them.
It is important that the addicted person begins to accept the consequences of their choices. For that to happen, they need to realize that they aren’t making smart choices. This is where you come into play. If your loved one ends up stumbling home and passes out in a random spot, leave them there. When they become loud and obnoxious in public, don’t try to smooth it over for them. If he or she tries to get you involved in a lie or something else that you want no part of, say no. These actions cause the addicted person to accept and deal with their consequences because they no longer have someone else to rely on to clean up their mess. - Draw financial boundaries.
This one is tough, I’ll admit. Even I sometimes have trouble sticking to this one. But it is important for the addicted person to realize how much of a toll their addiction is having on their life. When they tell you that they need money for this or that, tell them you will buy them actual food, or take them to a shelter. Don’t give them actual money because 99% of the time, they don’t use it for what they said. Of course, this only works for so long… Eventually, it gets to a point where they begin to take advantage of this and you need to cut them off completely. Unfortunately, it may take until they have no friends, no car, and no place to stay to realize their addiction needs to end. - Emphasize treatment and remember to take care of yourself.
Sobriety becomes more logical and appealing once the addicted person begins to realize and accept that things will not get better unless they become sober. However, I know from experience that someone will not seek help unless they truly want it. Sure they might go to a treatment facility and say they’ve changed, but unless they have their own reason to, it’s normally an act. It’s also important to seek out counseling if you need it or talk to some friends. Addiction can take a toll on everyone involved, and we’re no help to anyone if we feel drained and depleted. Remember that your well-being comes first, and then you can provide what support you’re able to for your loved one.
I hope I was able to help a bit when it comes to coping with addiction in your loved ones. Just remember that every situation is different, and what works for one person might not work for another. Addiction is frustrating, deceitful, and can be a vicious cycle. Stay patient, positive, and firm with your boundaries though, and things can turn around!
I’m going to post deeper blogs like this one every once in a while, so comment below letting me know what you thought!
Thanks for reading(: I appreciate you taking the time to visit my little corner of the internet! Until next time, remember to have fun and make life as simple as could be!
xo Branndolynne
