What is a rut? The literal definition is, ‘a habit or pattern of behavior that has become dull and unproductive but is hard to change’. But, to you, what does a rut look like? And is it possible to be stuck in a rut without even knowing? Well of course it is! I’m sure we’ve all dealt with the typical rut, where we know that something is off. But have you ever found yourself stuck in one that you didn’t realize you were in?

It’s a lot harder to find our way out of a rut when we don’t know we’re in one. I mean, don’t get me wrong. We may feel that something is off, but we’ll search for reasons why rather than doing some internal reflection. Whether it’s hating your job because it’s crap work for crap pay or struggling with finances and not knowing where to even begin to get them under control again.

We can blame our bosses for not understanding how hard it is to put food on the table or we can see what it takes to find a different job without going broke. We can blame bills, or our jobs, or the economy for barely getting by or we can start being honest with ourselves about where our money goes and make some sacrifices for the time being. Either way, we can either sink or float and it will ultimately be because of ourselves.

So what have I learned that has helped me become better at spotting a rut and getting out of it? Well, to be honest, I’m still learning. But I can tell you what’s helped me so far and what I’m currently doing to continue to work on each. Let’s go to it!

Letting Go Of Not Being Able To Let Go

My whole life, I’ve had others point out just how great my memory is. (Some with excitement, some with frustration.) But in any case, I can let that serve me or hurt me like I mentioned before. And in fact, there’s been times where I’ve experienced both outcomes. For example, my PTSD from traumatic experiences has caused me to remember those traumatic experiences vividly. So vividly that my brain is almost hardwired to look out for similar situations in order to avoid them.

However, this in turn can affect my relationships because I’m prepared for a negative outcome when there most likely isn’t one. On the other hand, schooling has always been somewhat of an upper hand for me because my memory is so good that I retain information a lot easier than some of my friends and family. So instead of blaming my memory for how well it performs, I’ve realized that instead I need to work on figuring out what’s worth remembering and what’s insignificant when it comes to the big picture.

Becoming Aware Of Unawareness

It sort of relates to the first point, but it’s almost like the yin to yang. The first point is to learn to let go and focus less on negativity. This point is to learn to hold onto and focus more on positivity. And I’m going to say right off the bat that many people won’t fully understand how hard this can be. Going back to my PTSD reference, people who have experienced trauma tend to be hyperfocused on the negative in life in hopes to avoid it. It’s sort of like a catch-22.

People become so focused on the negative to avoid it that it tends to be all they can see. And in order to work on this, it’s an inside job. Becoming more positive takes learning ourselves and retraining our brains. Listening to the feedback of both ourselves and our loved ones. And learning to focus on the good in life and what we’re grateful for. So instead of allowing myself to become a product of my circumstances, I’ve realized that I need to work on focusing on the good in life so much so that it becomes all I can see.

Opinions Are Like Buttholes

I heard a song recently that said, “Someone’s always gonna hate you no matter what, might as well just be yourself and let people think you suck. Opinions are like buttholes, everyone’s got one they cover up.” Pretty straight forward and to the point. Meaning, even when we try to be someone else, someone still won’t like it. No matter who we are or pretend to be, it still won’t be good enough for someone. So we may as well just be ourselves so at least we’re happy with who we are.

The same song said, “I know that being you is harder than it sounds, but you’re the only one who can so do you and do you proud.” Everyone knows the saying that if we don’t love ourselves, we can’t expect anyone else to. To be honest, we can’t expect anyone else to even if we do. So instead of trying so hard to be the person I think everyone needs me to be, I’ve realized that I just need to be myself. To love myself exactly as I am and where I am. To find the ones who love me for all of me, and let the rest go.

Making Way For What Matters

Look, this year has been crazy for all of us. And just because it’s almost over doesn’t mean we have any more certainty on what the next one brings. But if you’re like me, this year has also taught you that it’s time for some major changes. Some we were forced into, and others we have to make for ourselves. But if there’s one thing that I can say with certainty about next year, it’s that it won’t be better if we don’t make it.

So I’m going to consciously make these decisions as often as I can remember. To let go of things that are hard to let go of. To become more aware of the good that can sometimes be hard to see. And to be myself even when it gets scary or lonely because I want to ‘do me proud’! And if you’re looking for some mantras to keep you motivated through this process, here you go! Thank you so very much for being a part of ETM’s community! I encourage you to join discussions, interact with others alike, and be unapologetically yourself! Until next time, I hope I’m able to help make your life as simple as could be. (:

With all my love, Brandolyn – Earth To Momma