Have you ever wondered how relationships affect your self-esteem? And vice versa? I have always been curious about it. Especially to see if the different types of relationships have different effects. For example, does a relationship with a friend have a different impact on self-esteem than a relationship with a family member? And does a relationship with a friend or a family member have a different impact than a relationship with a significant other?
Well, after some personal reflection, I’d like to share what I have learned. First, I’ve come to the conclusion that yes, different relationships have different impacts on our self-esteem. Also, our self-esteem can vary with factors such as simple things like day-to-day activities and challenges, (a topic I’ll save for another time) but there are some general guidelines that we can refer to when wanting to improve our ‘relationship self-esteem.’
Friends
Starting with friendships, I want you to take a minute to think about how you feel when you are with your best friend. The Oxford Dictionary lists the definition of self-esteem as, “confidence in one’s own worth or abilities; self-respect.” When you are with your best friend, do you have respect for yourself? Do you feel confident in your worth and abilities? If so, then you and your best friend have a healthy relationship! If not, then don’t immediately assume it’s your fault. But don’t immediately assume it’s your best friend’s fault either.
You see like I said earlier, our relationships can affect our self-esteem, but our self-esteem can also affect our relationships. How do friendships affect our self-esteem then? Well, in a healthy friendship, you should feel certain things. You will feel that you are trusted. And how could that not be true? I mean, when you can share your secrets and vulnerabilities with someone, how are you not trusting that they won’t somehow take advantage of that knowledge?
You should also feel that they believe in you and that they are there for you. A true friend will make you feel important because to them you are. They will compliment you and mean it, they will see and acknowledge the uniqueness that makes you special, and they will be there for you through the good times and the bad. A true friend will be there to lift you up when you’re down because they believe in you even during times where you don’t believe in yourself.
Now, if you’re someone who’s thinking, “Huh, I don’t really feel all of that when I’m with my best friend,” don’t just up and find a new BFF. Instead, think about how your self-esteem could be affecting your friendships. Some people with low self-esteem find it necessary to always explain themselves. Sometimes this can come across as making excuses for yourself. Others with low self-esteem can often have a negative view of things. If too often you make negative statements or seem to have a negative outlook on life, it can eventually become difficult to maintain friendships.
So if you want to improve the quality of your friendships and your self-esteem, talk to them! See what it is that you and your friends need from each other and work on having more meaningful friendships.
Family
Moving on to family members, take a minute to think about how you feel when you are with your family. Do you feel confident in your worth and abilities? Do you have respect for yourself? And right now you might be thinking, “Are you crazy?! I love my family, of course I feel that way!” But, there are some people out there who sometimes struggle with maintaining healthy family relationships. I know I’m one of them.
Some people may feel like a failure because they can’t live up to certain expectations. Some people struggle with addiction in family members, whether it be drugs, or alcohol, or even gambling. Regardless of what some may or may not go through, family still affects our self-esteem because it shapes our sense of self. Why? Because our family and our home were the environments in which we grew up in and influenced the identity we formed.
How does self-esteem affect family then you may be asking? Well, to be honest, those with low self-esteem are not as capable of providing healthy examples of self-esteem to the rest of their family. This makes sense if you give it some thought. If someone hasn’t developed the ability to improve their own self-esteem how could anyone expect them to help others develop higher self-esteem? So, if you want to be able to provide the knowledge and skills to help your family improve their self-esteem, make sure your own is able to withstand some hardships! (Seems like a vicious circle, doesn’t it? It can be broken though!)
Partners
Lastly, go ahead and take a minute to think about how you feel when you’re with your partner (regardless of sexual orientation). Do you have respect for yourself? Do you feel confident in your worth and abilities? If so, then go marry them! (Just kidding, it never feels like that all the time because your self-esteem affects things too, remember?) But, let’s still take a look at some of the aspects of a relationship that can affect your self-esteem.
Criticism is one factor that can lower your self-esteem. It’s not fun to hear what we are doing wrong. However, being able to take constructive criticism and work on improving yourself is an important thing to boost self-esteem. Arguing is another way relationships affect self-esteem. Negative feelings can cause us to put blame and guilt on the other without meaning to, which can lower our self-esteem in times of vulnerability. That’s why it’s important to try to remember to be calm and reasonable when disagreeing with someone otherwise we could end up saying or doing things we will later regret.
How does self-esteem affect relationships then? Well, when we allow negative feelings or thoughts to become dominant in our lives, it can chase away even the most loyal of partners. Self-esteem could affect whether we feel respect for ourselves and confident in our worth and abilities, even if our partner is doing what they can to improve our self-esteem. Also, lack of confidence in one’s self could lead to other negative feelings such as victimization, jealousy, and resentment. Or even insecurity and becoming untrusting of your partner.
Food For Thought
Whew! That was a lot to take in, wasn’t it? I really hope I was able to share some insight on this topic for you. Tell me in the comments what your perspective on relationships and self-esteem is! As humans, we really are social beings, and I thought how cool it was that different social interactions have different effects on our self-esteem. Until next time, remember to have fun and make life as simple as could be!
Related: Relationship Goals
With all my love, Brandolyn – Earth To Momma
