Do you have a teenager or soon-to-be teen? If so, odds are you know how difficult it can be to talk to or with them. If not, perhaps you remember how annoying it seemed to have your mom or dad try to talk to you about things you consider too personal? I know I remember.

But I also know what it’s like to be the “mother” of a teenager as well. And the reason I put quotation marks around mother is because I’m a guardian to my little brother. Well, at least I was until he turned 18. Now, I guess he’s just considered my little brother whose living with me that I’m still in charge of.

To be honest, talking to a teenager is hard. And I honestly don’t even like saying ‘to’ because that implies that I’m telling him what to do. So let me rephrase that – Talking with a teenager is hard. They either feel like you won’t understand or that it’s too personal to talk about (which is especially the case with my brother and I.)

So if you’ve been racking your brain as I was for so long, I’ve got 3 tips that worked for me that can hopefully work for you too! All it takes is some adjusting to your own situation and circumstances. Here we go!

Take Them Out To Eat

This is probably the method that works best for me, because if you aren’t already aware, teenage boys love food. And the same is true for my brother (who is actually a very good cook in his own right.) So, we visit one of two of our favorite places once a month, grab some food, sit down, and just talk.

The reason we go once a month is because I feel like so much can happen in a months time, and I want him to know that I’m here for him whatever he may need. We both work and have our own personal lives, so to me it’s really important to get together and catch up on everything going on.

It’s actually quite amazing how much a teenager feels comfortable talking with you when they are focusing on the delicious food in front of them. It’s like a little dose of happiness and calm that puts their mind at ease and lets them talk more freely without fear of being judged.

Just in case you’re wondering, this does work for girls too. I know because my fiancés mom has taken me out to lunch whenever she feels like we need to do some catching up. And let me tell you, it works. We get to enjoy some quality time together, some good food, and I honestly feel a lot better after.

Acknowledge Them When They Come To You

If you think back, there were times that you just didn’t want to deal with something alone. Am I right? So just know that there will be those times where your teen does come to you to talk about what’s on their mind. But here’s something I want to you to remember:

When they come to you, be there.

There have been times where my brother has come to me and just sat down by me. Not saying anything, not seeming bothered. So I’ll continue to do what I’m doing and ‘multitask’ by listening to him. Was I fully involved in our conversation? Honestly, no. I figured if it was a big deal he would say something and then I would turn my attention fully to him.

But here’s the thing. Most teenagers are pretty hesitant when it comes to talking in general (especially boys.) So when my attention wasn’t fully on him to begin with, he lost his confidence in telling me what he wanted to tell me. Maybe he didn’t want to bother me, or maybe he felt like what he had to say wasn’t important.

But it is. It’s always important to listen to what your teen has to tell you, because it makes them more comfortable talking with you. And when they’re comfortable talking with you, they’re more apt to tell you more about what’s going on in their lives. *It took me some time and quite a few mistakes to figure this out.

Just Sit Them Down And Talk

Every night I go to my brothers room before bed to say goodnight. Every single night that he’s home. And when he’s not, I call. I don’t care how old he gets. Even when he moves out and is doing his own thing, I’ll still call him to say goodnight. Why? Because we lost our dad. Suddenly and unexpectedly. I didn’t realize the last time I talked to him would be the last time.

So I make it a point to talk to my brother at the end of every single day. I want to make sure everything is alright with him. I want to make sure he knows he can talk to me about anything. And in all honesty, you get better at knowing when they’re hiding something. I know when my brother is really okay and when he’s just okay. And when he’s just okay, I’ll spend some time in there and talk.

I think there’s something about the comfort of his own room, not being surrounded by anything or anyone else, where he can talk to me more freely. But I know that the only reason he’s comfortable talking with me is because I always make an effort to show him that I’m here for him no matter what. No judgement. Although I am damn sure going to give my advice on the matter! But I let him know that at the end of the day, it’s his decision and it’s ultimately up to him how he wants to handle it but I’m proud of him no matter what.

Hard Work Pays Off

Like I said and you may already know, talking with a teenager is hard work. But all in all, the payoff is worth every bit of energy put in! I wouldn’t trade in a single hard day because those are what truly make us learn, grow, and ultimately be stronger together.

Do you have a clever way to get your teenager to open up? Let us know in the comments! You could be the one who helps a parent have a deeper connection with their child! And if you’re looking for some inspiration to hit that reset button, check out our blog on creating a fresh start here.

Thank you so very much for being a part of ETM’s community of Mommas! I encourage you to join discussions, interact with Mommas alike, and be unapologetically yourself! Until next time, I hope I’m able to help make your life as simple as could be. (:

With all my love, Brandolyn – Earth to Momma