Okay, so be prepared for me to become really nerdy on this one, but that’s because I find this topic so interesting! We as humans all have things in common, and we all have differences as well! The differences are what make us unique, but today I am going to be talking about something that we all tend to have in common.

First of all, did you know that humans tend to have a negativity bias? Now, I’ll be the first to admit that there are some pretty positive people out there, that’s for sure. That doesn’t mean it didn’t take some work for them to get to that point though. Speaking from an evolutionary standpoint, the need to survive used to be so much a part of everyday life that it was better for people to be attuned to negative possibilities lurking around every corner.

Nowadays, we don’t necessarily have the primal need to fight for survival. Nonetheless, it’s a genetic disposition that was passed down through generations, evolving just as humans do. Now, life moves at such a rapid pace that people need to make snap decisions on other people, places, and things. But our tendency to be attuned to negative possibilities still lingers. Therefore, we tend to make negative judgments quicker that lost longer and positive judgments slower that can be lost quicker (due to our brain’s need to face threats now and be happy about positive things later when life isn’t in danger).

So what does all of this mumbo-jumbo have to do with today’s topic you might be asking? Well as I mentioned in my last post Relationship Goals, our self-esteem is affected by our everyday activities and challenges. And our tendency as humans to have a negativity bias is one of the main factors attributing to how well we can develop a healthy self-esteem. (That’s right, it’s really not your fault if you seem to think negatively more often than you want! Buuut…it is up to you to work on it in order to have a healthier and more positive self-esteem.)

So, down to the nitty-gritty. How is our self-esteem affected by everyday activities? And what can we do to improve our self-esteem even if we are dispositioned to be negative? Let’s dive in! Starting with the first part.

Our self-esteem is affected by day-to-day activities because our self-concept is always changing. Think about it. In adolescence, we start to form our own ideas and opinions separate from that of our parents. We start to see ourselves differently. And it doesn’t stop there. As we grow older, we change. Well, I like to look at it as evolving. (: We learn from experiences, mistakes, even others. We continue to evolve until we become the person we were meant to be.

On top of that, external factors that we have no control over can occur. (A car accident, medical/dental/vet bills that pop up, the loss of a loved one, you name it.) Those, combined with internal factors such as emotions we feel and day-to-day changes in mood affect our self-esteem. In fact, there was a detailed study on this topic, measuring results from a variety of hypotheses. If you want to read the article in more detail, you can here. But, I want to discuss the conclusion they found which talks about human’s tendency to have a negativity bias.

The study followed 103 participants and shows how factors such as negative events, positive events, self-esteem, and self-concept are affected by day-to-day activities. They found that increases in self-esteem due to positive events were smaller than decreases in self-esteem due to negative events. In other words, when minor negative events occur, especially goal-related ones, it can cause our self-esteem to lower. However, when minor positive events occur, it mostly reaffirms our current level of self-esteem. It is when major positive events occur that our self-esteem increases.

The study pointed out that those who were more confused about their self-concept seemed to be more affected by negative events. But overall, the study showed what has been unconsciously known since the caveman era: that it can be beneficial to be attuned to negativity (danger, the uncertainty of providing shelter/food/water, etc). But in my opinion, the thing that holds many of us back, including myself at times, is distinguishing the difference between being attuned to negativity and allowing ourselves to be affected by it.

So, time to talk about part 2: what can we do to improve our self-esteem even if we are dispositioned to being negative? Where to begin… Well, I’ll first start out by saying that everyone is different. That’s what makes us all unique, remember? We all think different, feel different and are motivated by different things. So my first piece of advice is this. Find what it is that makes you, you. And I’m not telling you to go discover your purpose in life, that’s hard enough as it is when we are constantly evolving.

What I mean is find the things that make you happy, the people who lift you up, the places that inspire you. Then do more of those things that make you happy, get rid of the people in your life who bring you down, and start saving/planning to go to those destinations. No, this is by no means easy at all! But pay attention to yourself during the process. Do you find that maybe it wasn’t as hard as you thought to find some extra time a week/month/year to do things that make you happy? Is it possible that even without having to completely cut people out of your life, you still feel better knowing you are spending more time with people who want best for you? Do you find that even in planning to visit somewhere, you become more motivated/determined to actually make it happen?

Now here’s my other piece of advice. Do not, under any circumstances give up! I’m sure you could ask almost anyone I knew growing up whether I was more positive or negative, and guess what they’d tell you? Yep, you probably guessed it, negative. I used to think people didn’t like me, I was upset at the hand I was dealt in life, and I was too afraid to form real, meaningful relationships because I had trust issues. Well, I like to think I’ve somewhat evolved. I’m not quite where I want to be yet, but now I don’t really mind if people don’t like me. I realize now the hand I’ve been dealt has given me my strength. And I’d rather have a handful of good relationships than a bunch of acquaintances.

So, to summarize this post, yes it is easier to be negative. Yes, being negative can even be beneficial to an extent. And yes, humans are inherently wired to focus on the negative. But, working on staying positive with your self-esteem will feel better in the long run, is more beneficial in many aspects. And I mean c’mon, aren’t rules meant to be broken? If you start today, you’ll be amazed at how much you accomplish if you really put your mind to it!

Also, I just want to say thank you to all of you who take the time to read my blogs. It really means so much to me. (: If you have any topic suggestions, I’d love to hear them! Leave a comment below and let me know what you think! And until next time, remember to keep life as simple as could be!

XO Branndolynne