“The only thing that is constant is change.” This quote by Heraclitus is one of his less ‘dark’ philosophies, and in my opinion, it’s true. Life all around each and every one of us is in a constant state of change. We age every day, slowly but surely. We are constantly learning and growing and evolving as human beings. It’s just the way it goes. Change is the one constant we can count on in life.
But there is a difference between the big changes and the small changes. A big change can be getting married, having kids, starting or changing careers. A small change can be choosing to add more greens into your diet, work out a few times a week, or letting go of toxic people in your life. Some of these choices automatically have a more life-altering effect than others.
Which brings me to my point. When it comes to making the smaller changes, that part is a little easier for me. But when it comes to making big choices, I feel like I really need to weigh in on my choices before deciding. If I’m going to get married, I only want to do it once. If I’m going to have kids, I want to know that I can provide for them and keep them healthy, happy, and safe. And if I’m starting or changing careers, I definitely want to know if I’m making a choice that will get me closer to my goal in the long run.
So I’ve got a checklist that I go over each time I feel like I’m making a big or important decision about my life. Hopefully they can help keep you pointed in the right direction too – YOUR direction!
Give It Some Time
Whether you were just told that you lost your source of income or that you landed your dream job, give it some time and some thought. Whether you want to take your relationship to the next step or you want to part ways in the relationship, make sure this is what you really want instead of something that sounds good right now. If it’s a decision that will affect other aspects of your life, give it some time!
How much time is the right amount of time you might ask? Well, that part is up to you. Just like no one can tell you what’s best for you, no one can tell you the right time to do something. It could be a few days or it could be a few years. For example, when my dad first passed I was having a hard time keeping it together at my job. I was in and out of court trying to get guardianship of my brother. I was planning a memorial and cleaning out his house to divide assets up. And I was working at a daycare at the time.
Every day at lunch, I would get in my car and drive to the park, sit there and cry. I didn’t know why and I didn’t know how to make it better. I just knew I didn’t want to be like that every day. So I thought about taking some time off work to focus on my mental health. I didn’t decide on it overnight and I definitely went back and forth about it in my head! But after 3 weeks of brainstorming pros and cons and talking to many trusted sources, I gave my notice. Don’t take forever but just don’t rush it!
Be Respectful And Kind But Firm
A lot of the time, when we’re making the decision to make a big change, we end up affecting other people too. Whether it’s a divorce, changing careers, or moving to a new place. Yes, these are all choices that affect us directly. Even more than it affects others, but it does affect them. So when other people are involved, it’s best to be respectful and kind but also to be firm. I feel like it’s a no-brainer to be respectful – We would expect, or at the least, want that from others.
But it’s also just as important to be firm with your decision. If we’re only kind and respectful to others when making a big change, a lot of times we get talked into doing something different. We get talked out of our idea. Or we feel like we don’t want to hurt someone else’s feelings so we end up backing down in the long run. Don’t do that! Let them know you’re being kind and respectful because you value them and their feelings but that this is the decision you’re making and you are sticking with it.
I know a lot of times it can seem impossible to do both, or at the least very difficult. When I decided to leave my job for example, I knew that would affect my employer. I knew she would have to find and train a new hire. But I also knew that how I let it play out would also affect me. That job did go on my resume! So I made sure to end on good terms by letting her know in decent time for her to find a replacement and maintaining contact with her even after leaving. But I also let her know when I would be leaving as opposed to asking her when would be best for her. Being firm while being kind, the best way to make a big change work for everyone involved!
Follow Through With Maximum Effort And Energy
Okay, here’s the tough reality. A lot of times when we decide to make a big change, we often have a ‘buyer’s remorse’ thing that happens to us. We tend to question if we made the right decision (even if we spent months contemplating it.) We tend to nitpick the new option we decided to go with and find things we miss before we decided to make a change. But that’s when you have to follow through with all you’ve got!
If you decided to get divorced, it was for a reason. Yes, there are occasional times when it ends up working out in the long run. But, most of the time people come to realize it just won’t work. It’s healthier for both of you to try to be happy, even if that means it’s not together. If you decided to change careers, it was for a reason. Yes, there will be things you miss about your old profession. Duh! You knew people there, how things worked, etc. But there comes a time when we need to ‘level up’.
Whatever choice or decision you made, stick by it and give it all your effort. When I made the decision to leave my job, I used the time to focus on myself and what I was good at. What I love and what I needed to learn still. And what came out of that was this business! I found something that I knew I wanted to do, something that I knew I wanted to dedicate my time and energy to. And even when I can’t dedicate my full time to it, it still receives my maximum effort. I know that it’s a choice I made and I’m willing to make other sacrifices to do it.
What Are You Willing To Sacrifice For?
What are you willing to make big changes for? Whether it’s a new career, becoming a parent, starting that business, or any other decision that will make you happiest? My advice to you is to do it. Think it over, stand your ground, and fight for what you believe in. Of course it’s going to be scary, but I think you already know how much it will be worth it in the long run.
Share your big change in the comments and how you plan on making it work the way you know it can! I’d love to support you along your journey, and I already know you can do it (even if you can’t see it yet!) And if you’re looking for more inspiration on how you can take action and make change now, check out ETM’s blog here.
As always, thank you so very much for being a part of ETM’s community of Mommas! I encourage you to join discussions, interact with Mommas alike, and be unapologetically yourself! Until next time, I hope I’m able to help make your life as simple as could be. (:
With all my love, Brandolyn – Earth To Momma
